Therapy with a Push
Therapy to help you get out the way of yourself!
Is your mind working for or against you?
Many of the negative effects of a neglected mind seem to be accepted as the default human condition. Anxiety; stress; boredom; workplace drudgery; toxic relationships; anger; misery; pessimism; exhaustion; insomnia and unhealthy habits are commonplace. Is this as good as life gets? Are you one of the many, dragging yourself through your week, wishing away the time until your next holiday?
When you consider that the mind is more complex than any computer or machine, it is surprising that we do so little to maintain it or explore how much it could do! It would be like using an extraordinarily powerful racing car for the weekly commute and doing nothing to take care of it until it broke down.
Let’s do some mind maintenance and start the clean up.
Fortunately, I can help. I can help you feel good in the present moment so that you are no longer wishing away your life. Furthermore, the better you are able to feel in the present, the better your life will become. It is simple. The better you feel, the better life gets. Let’s get on with the clean up and help improve the way in which you experience your life.
How am I going to help?
By improving your relationship with the single-most important person in your life – yourself. If you don’t like yourself, your mind will be working against you. Your self-concept is like a play-doh factory, shaping the experiences you are able to have in life according to the mould you have inadvertently accepted. Whatever limitations you believe yourself to have will consequently limit the experiences you are able to have.
A good test regarding how you view yourself was devised by best-selling self-help author, Louise Hay. She would ask clients to look in the mirror and say,‘‘I love you’. Clients would say they couldn’t because they felt too old; too overweight; too stupid; too ugly …. Try it and find out how you really view yourself.
I like myself, I love myself, I take care of myself. Why wouldn’t I?
Are you brave enough to like yourself?
Many people who are well-versed in all the psychological jargon and consider themselves to be self-aware, laugh with derision when self-love is discussed. However, what they don’t realise is that to reach the point of a good relationship with self requires courage and strength.
It requires turning away from the commonplace addiction to negative thinking. It requires recognising that most negative beliefs we hold about ourselves were laid down in childhood and aren’t true. These limiting beliefs have acted like glue to any negative thoughts passing through the mind ever since.
Let me help you challenge these beliefs so that the negative thoughts passing through have less to stick to. This isn’t positive thinking – it is realising that you are not the result of your childhood experiences or who people have implied that you are. Once you realise you are not the result of your childhood influences, new ways of being will become apparent and possible for you.
What will the process entail for me?
1. Cleaning out the jury in your mind who determine how you view yourself. In your mind resides a jury consisting of anyone towards whom you continue to feel guilt or resentment. Until you let go of the guilt and resentment, these people will inadvertently continue to: shape your self-concept; affect your relationships; negatively impact your self-worth and limit what you can and can’t do. You will continue to project them on to every experience and person you meet, carrying your past into every present day encounter. We will work on moving these relics on – their positions are redundant! If you still want to be influenced by anyone, let’s make sure that they have, at least, the appropriate credentials. However, the best person you can be influenced by is yourself.
2. Waking up and understanding you are not your thoughts. I want to help you get on with this work and to stay alert to the fact that you can change your life if you change your view of yourself. Negative thinking is addictive, considered the norm by the majority and like a slippery fish. If you talk to people you know about addressing the problem with this kind of work, they are likely to say it can’t be done. They will try and keep you sleep-walking, just as they are. I will be prodding you to make you stay awake.
Wake-up!
3. Learning to take responsibility for what is downloaded to your subconscious mind. This is essential if you wish to live a better life. In a nutshell, your conscious mind is the master and the subconscious is the genie in the lamp, unable to discern between fact and fiction. If, with my conscious mind, I am telling my subconscious that I am a loser, it will agree, ‘yes, master’ and the genie will guide me towards the relevant experiences to make me lose in life. If you want to succeed in life and feel good, it is essential that your conscious mind gives the message to your subconscious that you are able to achieve and you can succeed in your life.
Yes master, your belief is my command
4. Spring-cleaning your mind to make way for new possibilities. I want to help you see that you are not what you have experienced; you are not your trauma; you are nothing to do with who you have been told you are. We can work together to help you begin to ditch these erroneous beliefs. As we clear out what you thought you were, but are not, we will create space in your mind for you to be able to think about how you would like to be. If you are one of many who have been using affirmations, meditation and visualisation to no avail, it is likely because for the rest and greater part of your day your thoughts have been negative. Your subconscious will accept the message it is hearing the most.
5. Bringing in the power tool without which no one could start anything new – the imagination. You wouldn’t be able to conceive of new ventures or possibilities without using your imagination. Rather than day-dreaming, you will learn to consciously begin to imagine how you would like to lead your life.
New Destinations
It may be helpful to look at it this way with this metaphor of the mind as a harbour and your imagination as the ship:
You would like to be able to plan for a better future.
Your ship is in the harbour and you would like to voyage on the open seas to new destinations. However, the harbour is polluted with spilt fuel, rubbish, broken boats and rotting fish. Your boat has been affected by this and looks as though it has seen better days. How can you even think of what you would like to do or where you would like to go if your ship is in disrepair in a filthy harbour? You must start by cleaning up the harbour.
Once the water in the harbour is clean, the boat can be made seaworthy and you will be able to focus your attention on where you would like to go and how you are going to get there. Furthermore, it will become clear that the water in the harbour is inextricably linked to all seas and you will begin to feel less alone, more part of the whole.
Who is this way of working helpful for?
1. If you have been raised by narcissists and/or have a history of relationships with narcissists, this way of working will be particularly helpful. Narcissistic parent/s will have conditioned you to doubt yourself and defer to others. Narcissists can present as extremely confident and as if they know what they are talking about. If you doubt yourself, it can feel reassuring to be with someone who seems to know what is going on. Let me help you see that you are the best expert of yourself and that anyone who expects you to defer to them is deluded and self-seeking. Truly confident people don’t want people leaning on them. This work is aimed at helping you see that you are responsible for yourself and if you defer to others, you make yourself vulnerable and limit your life.
2. If you are autistic and/or have ADHD, you are likely to be masking – people pleasing to try and fit in. You may be very confused about what your concept of yourself even is as you have so many masks for so many occasions. Let me help you care less about pleasing others. As you are able to reduce this, you will begin to discover who you are not. The more that you discover who you are not, the more you will begin to accept yourself and begin to build a relationship with yourself, so that a self-concept less reliant on others will emerge.
Drop who you are not and allow who you are to emerge
3. If you have done work on yourself, but are still finding that you are dissatisfied with your life.
4. If you have been using affirmations, visualisation, positive thinking and other techniques to no avail. Let me help you shift your self-concept and help you understand what else you might need to change so that you can see some results.
5. Anyone interested in personal development.
When wouldn’t this combined approach be appropriate?
If you have not worked on significant past trauma/s, it would be important to have therapy before embarking on coaching or counselling/coaching combined. It may be that you require a block of psychotherapy to be able to resolve past issues before you can think about what you would like to achieve in the future. When substantial past traumas are unresolved, this can lead to deep feelings of shame and self-loathing. To work towards your full potential in the future, it will be necessary to change this view of yourself without putting undue pressure on yourself.
A danger of the combined approach would be that you push yourself to achieve more when you are not yet in a place to be kind to yourself along the way. All pathways to success involve setbacks, hiccoughs and wrong turns. These are essential for learning and growth. However, an overly negative view of the self would lead a person in these situations to berate themselves, making the process harmful rather than beneficial.
If this is the case for you, I would either recommend a suitable online therapist or suggest that you look for one locally who can help you with the particular issue that needs working on.
Should addiction be an issue for you, there are coaches with specialist training in working with addiction and I would advise that you start your journey there rather than work with me on growth and put undue pressure on yourself.
How to get started
I offer a free fifteen-minute zoom consultation. During that time we can talk about what you are looking for and whether this is the right approach for you.
If you feel confident that you can keep yourself motivated between sessions, I would suggest that you would be fine just having contact in the hour-long weekly sessions.
However, if you struggle to stay on track, you may prefer to opt for additional contact between sessions via text or email.
Cost of sessions:
Initial 15-minute consultation: Free of charge
Hour long weekly session with no contact between sessions: £75
Hour long weekly session with text or email contact between sessions: £90
Get In Touch
I am offering a free 15-minute initial zoom consultation.
Please complete the form below or call me to arrange your initial consultation
Please note: I have limited slots available. Book your session today to reserve your spot.
I value your privacy. Your contact data won’t be used in any other way.
