Therapy with a Push

Change your self-concept to change your life

Are you dissatisfied with your life?

You may have benefitted from therapy in the past and felt better for a period of time, having addressed the issue that had been troubling you.  However, just how good do you feel on a daily basis right now?  We tend to seek help for our mental well-being when there is a glaringly obvious problem and make do when the problem is sorted.  

When you consider that the mind is more complex than any computer or machine, it seems strange that we do so little to maintain it or explore how much it could do!   It would be like using an extraordinarily powerful racing car for the weekly commute and doing nothing to take care of it until it broke down.   This is how we treat our minds, wearing them down with mundane and habitual thinking and tasks, fearing to look at their workings too closely until we absolutely have to.

Many of the negative effects of not taking care of our minds seem to be accepted as normal human angst.  Worry, stress, boredom, lack of satisfaction in the work-place, unhealthy relationships, anger, misery, drudgery, pessimism, illness, insomnia, unhealthy habits and so the list goes on.  Is this as good as life gets?  Should you settle for this sub-standard existence?  Bored at work, in a miserable relationship, surviving with unhealthy habits to block out the boredom whilst you await the next holiday.  

 

If the present is so dreary, no wonder people believe that they have to have something to look forward to. Fortunately, I can help. I can help you feel good in the present moment so that you are no longer wishing away your life. Furthermore, the better you are able to feel in the present, the better your life will become.  It is simple.  If you feel good, your life improves.  The better you feel, the better life gets.

However, in order to feel good, you must start the process of spring cleaning your mind. Let me help you start this process so that you can begin to feel good.  Let’s work together and get on with this clean up.

How am I going to help?

With a combination of psychotherapy, coaching and helping you change your self-image by beginning to reprogramme your subconscious mind.  Your self-concept is like a play-doh factory, shaping the experiences you are able to have in life according to the mould you have inadvertently accepted. Whatever limitations you see yourself as having will consequently limit the experiences you are able to have. You may have had years of therapy, but if you haven’t turned around the image you hold of yourself, you will lead a limited life. 

 

A good test of how you view yourself is to consider the advice given by Louise Hay, whose book ‘You Can Heal Your Life’ has sold over 50 million copies.  She would ask clients to look in the mirror and say, ‘I love you’.  If you have a go at this yourself, unless your self-concept is in good shape, you will find that it flushes out all kinds of self-criticism. People describe not being able to say it because they feel: too ugly; too stupid; too unpopular; too lazy; too weak etc. I don’t think therapy on its own gets close to addressing this.  

 

Many people who consider themselves to be self-aware, who know all the psychological jargon and who have done a lot of work on themselves are unable to do this.  This is a limitation and shows that the relationship with oneself is unresolved and still negative.  Negative relationship with self = negative self-concept = life-limiting beliefs = limited life.   Let me help you improve your self-concept so that you have the chance of living a more fulfilling and successful life.

The process

1. Psychotherapy to deal with the jury in your mind who determine how you view yourself. In your mind resides a jury consisting of anyone towards whom you continue to feel guilt or resentment.  Until you let go of the guilt and resentment, these people will inadvertently continue to: shape your self-concept; affect your relationships; negatively impact your self-worth and limit what you can and can’t do. You will continue to project them on to every experience and person you meet, carrying your past into every present day encounter.  We will work on moving these ghosts on – their positions are redundant!  If you still want to be influenced by anyone, let’s make sure that they have, at least, the appropriate credentials.  However, the best person you can be influenced by is yourself. 

2. Coaching to limit self-sabotage.  I want to help you get on with this work and to stay alert to the fact that you can change your life if you change your view of yourself.  Negative thinking is addictive, considered the norm by the majority and like a slippery fish. If you talk to people you know about addressing the problem with this kind of work, they are likely to say it can’t be done.  They will try and keep you sleep-walking, just as they are.  I have no interest or time for any of that – I ignore it and so checking in with me will help keep you on track.  I will walk alongside you as I am doing this work on myself, 100% invested in it, so you won’t be alone.  I will be prodding you to make you stay awake.

3. Building your awareness of the need to reprogramme your subconscious mind. This is essential if you wish to live a better life.  In a nutshell, your conscious mind is the master and the subconscious is the genie in the lamp, unable to discern between fact and fiction.  If, with my conscious mind, I am telling my subconscious that I am a loser, it will agree, ‘yes, master’ and the genie will guide me towards the relevant experiences to make me lose in life.  If you want to succeed in life and feel good, it is essential that your conscious mind gives the message to your subconscious that you are able to achieve and you can succeed in your life.

4. Spring-clean your mind to make way for new possibilities. I want to help you see that you are not what you have experienced; you are not your trauma; you are nothing to do with who you have been told you are.  We can work together to help you begin to ditch these erroneous beliefs. As we clear out what you thought you were, but are not, we will create space in your mind for you to be able to think about how you would like to be.  If you are one of many who have been using affirmations, meditation and visualisation to no avail, it is likely because for the rest and greater part of your day you have been thinking negative thoughts.  Your subconscious will accept the message it is hearing the most.

5. Once your mind becomes less cluttered with junk, we can bring in the power tool without which no one would start something new – the imagination.  You wouldn’t be able to conceive of new ventures or possibilities without using your imagination.  Rather than day-dreaming you will learn to consciously begin to imagine how you would like to lead your life.  It might be that you have a background in finance, but have been unhappy in your job.  Doing this work on yourself might lead you to realise that you could work really well independently and that there is a particular niche you would really enjoy helping people with.  It might be that you realise you could work abroad with your skillset or that you want to start volunteering.  The possibilities are endless and will be unique to you.

New Destinations

It may be helpful to look at it this way with this metaphor of the mind as a harbour and your imagination as the ship.  You would like to be able to plan for a better future.  Your ship is in the harbour and you would like to voyage on the open seas to new destinations.  However, the harbour is polluted with spilt fuel, rubbish, broken boats and rotting fish.  Your boat has been affected by this and looks as though it has seen better days.  How can you even think of what you would like to do or where you would like to go if your ship is in disrepair in a filthy harbour?  You must start by cleaning up the harbour.  

Once the water in the harbour is clean, the boat can be made seaworthy and you will be able to focus your attention on where you would like to go and how you are going to get there.  Furthermore, it will become clear that the water in the harbour is inextricably linked to all seas and you will begin to feel less alone, more part of the whole.

Who is this way of working helpful for?

1. If you have been raised by narcissists and/or have a history of relationships with narcissists, this way of working will be particularly helpful. Narcissistic parent/s will have conditioned you to doubt yourself and defer to others.  Narcissists can present as extremely confident and as if they know what they are talking about.  If you doubt yourself, it can feel reassuring to be with someone who seems to know what is going on.  Let me help you see that you are the best expert of yourself and that anyone who expects you to defer to them is deluded and self-seeking.  Truly confident people don’t want people leaning on them.  This work is aimed at helping you see that you are responsible for yourself and if you defer to others, you make yourself vulnerable and limit your life.  

2. If you are autistic and/or have ADHD, you are likely to be masking –  people pleasing to try and fit in.  You may be very confused about what your concept of yourself even is as you have so many masks for so many occasions.  Let me help you care less about pleasing others.  As you are able to reduce this, you will begin to discover who you are not.  The more that you discover who you are not, the more you will begin to accept yourself and begin to build a relationship with yourself, so that a self-concept less reliant on others will emerge.

 

3. If you have done work on yourself, but are still finding that you are dissatisfied with your life.

4. If you have been using affirmations, visualisation, positive thinking and other techniques to no avail. Let me help you shift your self-concept and help you understand what else you might need to change so that you can see some results.

5. Anyone interested in personal development and recognising their potential.

When wouldn’t this combined approach be appropriate?

If you have not worked on significant past trauma/s, it would be important to have therapy before embarking on coaching or counselling/coaching combined.  It may be that you require a block of psychotherapy to be able to resolve past issues before you can think about what you would like to achieve in the future.  When substantial past traumas are unresolved, this can lead to deep feelings of shame and self-loathing.  To work towards your full potential in the future, it will be necessary to change this view of yourself without putting undue pressure on yourself.  

A danger of the combined approach would be that you push yourself to achieve more when you are not yet in a place to be kind to yourself along the way.  All pathways to success involve setbacks, hiccoughs and wrong turns.  These are essential for learning and growth.  However, an overly negative view of the self would lead a person in these situations to berate themselves, making the process harmful rather than beneficial.

If this is the case for you, I would either recommend a suitable online therapist or suggest that you look for one locally who can help you with the particular issue that needs working on.  

Should addiction be an issue for you, there are coaches with specialist training in working with addiction and I would advise that you start your journey there rather than work with me on growth and put undue pressure on yourself.

When we meet for an initial consultation

We will talk about where you are on your path and what you are finding particularly difficult.  It may be that you have no idea what you want to do with your life, but you would like help to explore that.  It may be that you already know where you would like to go, but need help with goal setting and the belief in yourself that will enable you to get there.  

We will devise a plan that works for you, adjusting along the way as needed.  You may want me to check up on you frequently, because you struggle to make yourself accountable or you may  feel you need less pushing.  I am flexible as long as movement is happening.

What I am offering

I am offering a free 20 minute initial zoom consultation, followed by a 10 week programme, consisting of 10 weekly hour-long zoom or face-face sessions with between-session support via text and email. If you would like to continue after the initial 10 weeks, we can discuss that.

Get In Touch

I am offering a free 20 minute initial zoom consultation. 

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